Christine M. Valentin, LCSW, LLC
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Making the Most of a Family Meeting

9/15/2015

4 Comments

 
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Recently a frequent reader of my blog suggested I write a post about how a family meeting can help primary caregivers resolve conflicts between siblings and extended relatives. Having experienced conflict among her family, this reader praised how the family meeting allowed each of them to express their concerns, and while not everything was resolved, they came out feeling better. As a health care professional, I've also been witnessed to the benefits that can come from family meetings, and in many cases have facilitated them myself. What should be understood is that family meetings can only be a successful tool if there are certain aspects in place. These aspects, which should be exhibited by everyone who participates, are...

Willingness and Respect
Everyone who attends the meeting should, at the very least, want to attend and respect the viewpoints of other family members/attendees. This is not to say they have to agree with everything that is said, but if they are solely attending the meeting to get others to side with their viewpoint, then it won't work. 

A Clear Objective 
The purpose for the meeting should be made very clear when inviting people to attend and should also be reviewed at the start of the meeting. Family members/attendees should not show up believing certain topics will be addressed because it could lead to a feeling of mistrust, skepticism and in some cases, complete disregard for what is being said.

A Mediator 
Whether this individual is a professional or the most level-headed person in the family, having someone who can make sure the discussion doesn't get too personal can be of great assistance. During family meetings, it is not uncommon for past conflicts or accusations to get in the way of the objective for the meeting. Having a mediator can help refocus the group. 

Limiting Your Expectations
Assuming that this meeting will solve everything, will only set you up for disappointment. Any family meeting, especially the first few, will most likely be filled with a lot of clarification, explanation and emotion. Set your goals low but aim high. Once you get a feel for how the meeting is flowing, then you can get a sense for how many topics can be addressed. 

While there are no guarantees that a family meeting will resolve your caregiving issues/conflicts, there is a great chance that people who attend a structured, goal-oriented meeting will come out experiencing a greater understanding of another person's viewpoint and a sense of relief. If a plan of action is devised and agreed upon by all, then the meeting was definitely a success! 

Have you had a personal experience with a successful family meeting? Are there any do's and dont's you would recommend? If so, please share them below. 


4 Comments
kristi vaughn link
6/11/2012 07:44:53 am

I think these points are offer great advice for a family meeting. I would also suggest someone take notes and then re-cap the notes at the end of the meeting. That may open up more discussion since some people hear things differently than others do.
Kristi Vaughn, LSW

Reply
Christine M. Valentin link
7/7/2012 03:06:24 am

Hi Kristi,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and providing us with the important reminder of taking notes. The last thing we would want, is to have a great meeting but then forget the major talking points or "takeaway" messages.

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Caryn Isaacs, Patient Advocate link
6/26/2012 01:49:48 am

I recently had a meeting with my own family via Skype because we all live in different parts of the country. It made it kind of a fun experience for my aunt, who is always asking when we will visit. It also encouraged the younger generation to come in and realize that we aren't all so out of it.

As a professional, I use a mutliple choice assessment instrument that keeps the conversation focused on the issues and forces everyone to give a succinct answer. There are definitive issues that will effect my recommendations. I need to now if the person is safe, has attained a level of health and is happy. That's it. I don't need to know about their personality, their old grugs and the neighbors opinion. The AI gives me a tool that creates not only a plan of action, but also a time line.

Reply
Christine M. Valentin link
7/7/2012 03:09:19 am

Hi Caryn,
Thank you for your feedback and I love hearing how older adults actually find enjoyment out of new technology. It is very easy for us to stick to our old ways, but when caregiving is involved or simply just staying in touch with relatives, using modern technology can all help us to build stronger relationships, especially between the young and older generations.

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    Christine M. Valentin 

    As a licensed clinical social worker, I help individuals caring for a loved one reduce feelings of anxiety, depression and stress.  This blog is meant to share with you, many of the suggestions I recommend to many family caregivers. Sign up to receive them directly.

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The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by individuals in search of general information of interest pertaining to caregiving, stress and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.
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